Husband's ex-wife insists that she frequently visits his and his new wife's home because their youngest son has moved in, wife rightfully refuses: ‘This is our home, my private space, I need something that is ours’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Jul 16, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Listen, we're all adults here. If you're a remarried person, you'll know that what comes with the territory, possibly, are children from other marriages. Usually, that also means that ex-spouses might still be in the picture. This is all normal, especially in a world where divorce rates are insanely high. This shouldn't change your current partner's priorities, though. So long as their children are okay, it shouldn't be weird to request that their ex-spouses keep a healthy distance from them. Last time you checked, they left that marriage for a reason and entered one with you. Of course, all circumstances are different, but you don't want to lift your boundaries if they mean a lot to you. In this next story's case, a woman refuses to compromise with her husband about his ex-wife visiting the son they share together, who is now staying at the husband's home.

Remember what I said about priorities? If your partner is telling you that they don't want your ex-spouse in the home you two share, you listen. There are plenty of ways to compromise with your ex-spouse, but not many on the topic of your partner, who simply wants to keep your home together sacred…

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  • "I explained to him that it is not expected to be the norm for a wife to be all hunky dory with her husband's ex to come over whenever they wanted."
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "AITA for not wanting my husband’s ex-wife to frequently visit my home."

    I'm hoping this is pretty cut and dry but here is a little back story. I (40F) am married to my husband (55M) we will call him John for almost 3 years, been together for 8. We bought our home 2 years
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • ago and it has been my dream to have my own home. I lost my father in 2022 to CO ID and he left behind money for me and my siblings to split. Not a huge sum
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • but enough to help with finances or to help with our homes. I lost him 9 months just prior to my wedding and I wanted to do something meaningful with the
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • money he left me and we signed on our home in 2023. I've worked hard to make this house our home, I've used the money to renovate this house because it
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • was in need of repair and updating. I'm a nurse and I make decent money and I pay for the majority of our home stuff but my husband does pay the utilities and Internet. He also pays
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  • alimony to his ex-wife. My mother moved in with us because she retired and lived alone and is getting older. My husband and
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  • her have a good relationship and knows how important she is to me and I was a very young child when my parents divorced and spent most of my time growing
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  • up with my mom. He was very close with his mother before she passed away so he understood and we agreed this was best for everyone.
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  • My husband has 4 grown adult children. 3 of which I have good relationships with, the other is estranged and I won't go into that (not because of me.) his
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • youngest child recently moved in with us. How can I say this with the most respect possible, my step son has the motivation of a Galapagos turtle. Unless asked,
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • he will not do pretty much anything, but when asked will do things but does huff and puff if it isn't an easy task. He also doesn't work. He's been with us
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  • for for a while and has no prospects of a job. His mother never really forced the issue because she doesn't work and rarely left the house. I never met
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  • a young person who had no desire to have money of their own or even have a license to drive. Now I'm giving him grace bc he living in a new town in a new home and is getting settled.
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  • Kitchen Kitchen 0
    via Alicia Christin Gerald for Unsplash
  • Now the hard part, the reason my step son had to move in with us along with the family dog is because the owners of their previous home decided to retire
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  • to that home. They were given over 8 months notice. 2 weeks prior to needing to vacate, nothing was packed or cleaned in that house. My husband had to
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • spend his time and money to help them remove everything and dispose of everything, it took nearly a month (that's how bad it was) and it rolled over into the next month. My husband also felt
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • obligated to help his ex-wife find a new place to live bc she has anxiety and I'm assuming issues with talking to people. Fine, ok, good on my husband to be helpful. I resented this a bit
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • because I felt it really disrespectful that they were given over 8 months and didn't do anything to help their situation. Now, when all was said
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • My husband then Recently asked me, would you mind if, we will call her Joanne (ex-wife), comes over from time to time to visit with step son and the dog. I stated, "I
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • don't really want that if I'm being honest". My husband gave me a blank stare and asked me why. I said to him that moving in stepson and dog and having her belongings here is one thing, I'm
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • personally not interested in opening up my home to having your ex-wife frequently visiting. This is our home, my private space, I need something that is ours. My husband then started to
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • say, "I just like to treat people as people." His statement caught me off guard. I was angry. I was confused. I felt like he was saying that I'm not treating her like just a
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • person because I don't want my husband's ex-wife frequenting my house. I explained to him that it is not expected to be the norm for a wife to be all hunky dory
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • with her husband's ex to come over whenever they wanted. He seemed upset and didn't understand my stance. I felt his comment was a little
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • manipulative in trying to make me cave by making me feel bad for feeling the way I do. So AITA for not wanting my husband's ex- wife to frequently visit my home?
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • Cyberzombi INFO: Is the house in your name only? You should inform your husband that stepson will soon be charged rent. That should motivate him to find a job or move back in with his mom.
    via Cyberzombi
  • Dry_Ask5493 NTA. It sounds like you are being used and you are bankrolling this situation while your husband is bankrolling his ex-wife. I would go further and expect his ex to take her dog and things back and for his son to get a job and hopefully move out.
    via Dry_Ask5493
  • MartinisnM der I got that vibe too! She used her inheritance toward the home, she makes good money as a nurse, she's paying for the renovations on the home, he is paying utilities and alimony to the ex... Why is OP settling for this significantly older man with adult live in child and ex wife that is still very involved?? Nope.
    via MartinisnM**der

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